H e l l o G o d d e s s
Reiki Master || Certified Nutritional Practitioner || Yoga Teacher || Tantrika
1-on-1 Sessions || Retreats || Lunar Goddess
Hello Beautiful Goddess!
Appearances can be deceiving. On the outside my life looked super glamorous: late 20s, actress, New York city. Living the dream, right? Not quite. The reality was that I was overworked, undernourished, disconnected to myself, and felt like I had to grind really, really hard in order to deserve success, (which, surprise surprise, even though I DID work really hard, my self-worth never seemed to follow). I was living my life based on what society told me it was supposed to look like, and punishing myself because it didn’t.
Cue major burnout getting sick all the time, my body constantly injured and in pain, headaches, the worst acne I’ve ever experienced in my life (seriously, I didn’t recognize myself for 9 months). But did I stop? Nope. Not yet.
Finally one day I had an epiphany and everything shifted. I always knew that I was meant for more, and I didn’t want to be part of the problem in society anymore, I wanted to be part of the solution.
The meditation, the mindfulness, the yoga - it all started to come together. All the personal growth I had been playing with over the past few years started to actually blossom when I connected with a sisterhood of high-vibe women living from their hearts. From there, my life completely changed.
Fast forward and now I truly am living the dream. I love what I do, I wake up excited, my body feels healthier and sexier than ever before, and even during the times when I feel low - I know there is a lesson in it. AND, there’s always a sister who’s happy to energetically hold me as I sift through it.
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It Began on the Schoolyard
I was one of those kids that didn't fit in anywhere. I was awkward, uncomfortable in my skin, and always felt like I had just said something stupid. I had debilitating fears that people were talking about me and laughing, and a fair portion of the time - I was right. It was awful.
The experiences I had all throughout school led me to create patterns of "people pleasing", and trying to fit into someone else's idea of what my life should look like. I craved validation, and it's no wonder I ended up in theatre school and then pursuing a career as an actor.
Living Life Based on Society's Ideals
I hustled, grinded, and worked really, really hard. It was impossible for me to go easy on myself and take time off. Even when I had nothing to do I moved in a hurried way (I felt so guilty slowing down, afraid it would make me look "unproductive"). My body was injured both inside and out, but I still wouldn't rest.
I remember around Christmas taking a yoga class and realizing that I truly needed to stop. My wrists had been in pain for months and they just kept getting worse. It took literally not being able to do a plank because of the pain, for me to finally say "Ok! Ok, body. I will listen to you." Mind you - this was after months of being sick, a back injury that just wouldn't heal and almost a year of questioning whether acting was really what I wanted.
Oh, and I had also started to discover sisterhood.
The Moment it All Shifted
It was around the time I finally started listening to my body (more so because the pain was simply unbearable) that I also decided to take a pause with acting. It was the slow season so I figured it was the best time to experiment. I remember a month later looking back and thinking "Wow, I've felt really good this last month!" My career was making less and less sense, and that was terrifying.
Like I said, this was also around the time I found supportive sisterhood. High-vibe women who were all committed to personal growth and living from their hearts. I felt supported in the very new and scary decisions I was making. Supported, seen and honored in a way I never had been before.
Then one day I was walking through Manhattan (did I mention I had been living in New York for over 2 years at this point?) and I looked up at a billboard of a woman's clear, perfect face. I don't remember if it was for make-up or perfume, I just remember thinking "Oh my gosh, is that really what I want? For little girls to look up at my flawless, photoshoped face and think 'that's what I'm supposed to look like'?"
That moment was the breaking point. The hours I'd spent in hair and make-up to portray an unrealistic and perfectly edited story all flashed through my mind. I couldn't bring myself to continue being part of the reason everyone thinks their life is supposed to look different than it does. I didn't want to be part of the problem anymore. I wanted to be part of the solution.
I had no idea what that looked like and no idea what I was good enough at to build a career out of. Acting was the only thing I thought I could do. This was the belief I had created growing up because I learned differently than others - that I just wasn't good at academics. (Side note - I took it on to create a new agreement when I went back to school for nutritional medicine, and ended up graduating with first class honors.)
I Didn't Have to Do it Alone
Even after I stopped acting, it took time for me to quit playing small and making excuses not to start NOW. I thought I didn't know enough, wasn't ready enough, wasn't good enough, etc. All my old patterns coming to the surface.
We're taught not to make waves, not to be a bother. So we silently trudge along. Sure, we could do it on our own - but the things is, we're not meant to! We are meant to live in community, in sisterhood.
If it had not been for the women in my life, I truly don't know how long it would have taken to build up the courage to follow my heart instead of my fear. I don't know how I would have cultivated the self-worth to believe that I deserved a life that felt good. And I have no idea at what point I would have been able to authentically trust in my ability to have a positive impact on the world, NOW.
It was my reflections, the circle of high-vibe, strong, balanced women around me that helped me realize I was actually that strong balanced woman too. This is what fuels the work I do. The understanding and first hand knowing of the power of women gathering.